RhythmBox...

Okay so I have a problem. The problem is that even at 26 I don't know how to behave with guys who like me but whom I do not like. It's a problem because more often than not they are friends. Friends I like. But then they start showing more than friendly affection and I just get the creeps and I start with my "weird" behaviour. What is my weird behavior? Well, I ignore them, I don't return their calls, I avoid looking at them, I stop hanging out with them, I stop finding them funny, I frown at them when I catch them staring at me, I especially hate it when they act all "nice" to me ( :| ), and if they still don't get the hints, I act rude. And I honestly hate it. And it's worse when he's a good friend and has a girlfriend who likes me and looks upto me. I feel bad cause only one thing happens, they start hating me eventually and I lose out on good guy friends. I don't know how to rebuff their affections in a way such that I don't hurt them and keep them as friends too. I usually make a mess out of the whole thing! 

I remember I once told a friend that I don't like anyone liking me or loving me without my consent. His reaction was pretty normal and expected: WTF. I know! I know! But my problem is that I do not want anyone buying me gifts, treating me "special", worrying after me unless I like him. And definitely not have him act like his my personal servant, irrespective of whether I like him or not. With other guy friends I want to be treated like one of the guys. I don't have problems accepting compliments, I just have a problem accepting it from guys who are firmly in the friends category! :| Oh I am such a nut! And such a weird contradiction! And such a bitch! Why can't I be like other girls and accept all that extra attention? And preen and bat my eyelids and giggle? if not all that, why can't I just graciously accept it and just be okay about it all? Why do I have to act all weird? Arghhh! I don't know what will become of me! I truly do not!

Plateway To Heaven...

OMG. I just died and went to crockery heaven. Look at this picture!

(click to enlarge)
This picture was clicked by a friend who's travelling to Istanbul. And those aren't plates love, those are pieces art! Orgasmically beautiful pieces of art that you could actually use!


Remember this scene from SATC2? Well, ofcourse a closet like that would make any woman go weak in her knees...but but...what would seal the deal for me would be a beautiful kitchen. A big cream-coloured sun drenched kitchen, with French windows that'll open to a herb garden outside, a big oak dinning table and a kitchen island with a wine rack in the centre, a wrought iron pot rack with gleaming copper pots and a plates cabinet just for beautiful crockery. And I would so wear a beautiful white dress and look pretty and serve you hot piping food in those plates. And we could have hot soup in those soup bowls and I would pour tea from one of those colourful teapots and we could have our evening tea in those dainty little rainbow teacups and won't life be beautiful then? Wouldn't you say you're in heaven then? Won't you love life? And won't you hear the butterflies sing? And the flowers dance and the sky smile? Won't you love? Won't you?


Sigh, I so need to stop dreaming and get back to the "real world". Oohhh, someone buy me some crockery porcelain for heaven's sake! Or atleast take me to Istanbul! I'll buy those plates myself. Sniff.

Cruel, cruel, cruel world!

Yes, I'll get back to work now. Thank you.

A Broken Horse By The River...

Okay, I am seriously tired of people asking me what my "relationship" status is. I am sick of it, bored and pissed off. In real life, I have always been a private person and I always will be (which is why this blog). So stop asking me these questions. Stop channelling Karan Johar and don't think I am stupid enough to fall for those sly lousy questions. I don't understand why people are so obsessed with others' love lives. Unless, unless, you are a good friend, in which case, trust me, I'l wake you up at 2am and tell you who makes me happy and who is making me cry. So really. STOP.

And what is wrong with the men? Where is the romance? These days they don't even wait for you to finish telling your name before coming out with, "your place or mine". Really. Men. NO!

Proceed With Caution...

So today for the first time I broke my vow and used MC's and BC's while shouting at a guy on the road. A drunk taxi driver. And his bloodshot eyes should have scared me, ideally, but it just so frigging pissed me off that such *be prepared* low-IQ people are given license to drive! What does the government think driving is? Child's play? Our stupid corrupt RTO's are in a way responsible for all these road accidents! Yes, driving on Indian roads requires skill and very very high amount of intelligence. Every tom, dick and harry becomes a "driver" these days or then buys a motorcycle and starts riding on the roads. They know shit about traffic rules and they are not smart enough to intuitively know what "right of way" is. So hang me, but the only way to weed out such retards from the roads is by having stricter tests! And completely remove these so-called "agents" who through underhand means get you a license without you even having to sit for the test! I say, make these agents stand in the middle of the road and let these other idiots drive, let's see how many manage not to wet their pants! And ofcourse not to forget my own gender! I have seen women ride scooters with both their feet touching ground. WHY? Dear Aunty, if you can not bloody balance a two wheeler, you know what to do? Ofcourse you do not. So let me tell you, you don't ride a scooter in the first place! Practice first in your garden no? It's really simple. But clearly you are dumb enough not to understand such a simple thing. Why are these people take a chance with life? Have they no fucking brains at all? Or old uncles! And rich young 16 year old daddy's boys! Arghhhh....I can so murder someone right now :|


I think instead of teaching subjects like "moral education", the government and all private schools should include "Traffic rules" as one of their subjects right from 1st grade. Every child should be inculcated with "traffic sense" right from the time he starts riding his tricycle. I think with the kind of monstrous traffic conditions in the cities these days, a society that is more aware and well-educated about traffic rules and safety is the need of the hour! If only our government was listening!

*****
Talking about trying new things, recently I did something I never thought I would.

So I had clothes for every, what should I say, occasion? So I had club wear and pub wear, ofcourse there's a difference between the two and ofcourse clothes had to be different. Then there were separate clothes for dinners and separate for lunches. There were specific clothes I'd wear when going for the movies, there were separate ones I'd wear with parents (ofcourse it'super embarrassing when some guy is staring at your ass in front of your Dad, better avoid pissing Dad off, no?). There were separate type of clothes I'd wear when going for shopping and there were separate clothes for going down to the grocery shop. Separate ones for office, which again had formals, casuals and Indian wear. Indian wear were categorized as Indian-wear for everyday use and for "special occasions". There were clothes to be worn in the house (you don't want to look shabby even at home!), and there were separate ones for sleeping time. Am I missing anything? I am sure I missed something. Anyway, so yeah, so very tedious and so very vain. I don't know what happened to me. Maybe I saw sense or maybe I am just tired now or maybe I get no time these days.


Anyway, so I went to a club, like a good up-market club, in a patiala salwaar kameez and ofcourse more than me, Munira was super embarrassed. Heh :) I think more than embarrassed she was just shocked that I didn't run to the nearest mall and buy something "appropriate". I think I have reached that stage where I don't give two hoots about what people have to say. And really that's a wonderful thing. I think I cared about "propriety" and "what people think of me" a tad too much and it somehow affected everything I did. Which is quite sad actually. So in a way this is liberating. I think if I can pull off an Amritsari Patiala in a club, not get thrown out and yes, do look hot too, I definitely can sit at home in just my bathrobe and no one should have a problem, right? Right.

*****
And oh, I talked to him today :) but damn! He's not that smart :( Quite a shame.

Kill Joy...

Dear Diary,

Don't be shocked if one of these days I really just murder someone! Like slice open their body with a blunt knife, rip out their heart and tear out their intestines with my bare manicured hands!!!

Cause really, I need to stop being so sensitive. I mean the smallest and silliest things will make me cry. WHY? I was always a very sensitive person, but now, it is pissing me off. Big time.


Take today morning. I am riding to work and I see a herd of cows on the road. A very common sight in our country right? Nothing unusual. But then, a few meters away, I see another cow, limping. Way behind the herd, it poor thing was limping, and I cried. I mean how can the rest of the cows be mean enough to leave the poor injured cow behind?! Why can't they all match their pace with the poor cow?

Then this video made me cry!




I had to sit myself down and talk to myself and make myself understand that there was nothing, remotely nothing, in that video that warranted tears. And I was like, but those poor kids! They are so smart! And this is so awesome! In 10 years, we'll have a whole new world of educated kids...and I am overwhelmed with happiness and the tears start to flow again.


And it's not even that time of the month when I cry just because my hormones are screwed up.


No no no! I want to be all bitchy and heartless. I am tired of this crying!!!!!! I want to stop being so freaking sensitive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I think I know what my problem is. You know these days I am always talking to G and like I said before, she's one sweet girl. She wouldn't harm a fly even and I am all nice these days thanks to her. I go to the Gurudwara with her, almost daily, and I pray and I behave like a good girl. But dear god! I miss bitching! And I miss making fun of people! And I miss being snobbish. Gawwwwwwwd! I miss it!

*sigh*


You know Dear Diary, being nice is tough. Very very tough. Don't try it.