Today Apeksha pinged and asked me if I was okay with her talking to S.
Apeksha and I were talking about my moving and then we were laughing about the movie KKKG, and about my role as "pooh" in final year play, and out of the blue, this. For a moment, I felt dizzy.
I know it was not very mature on my part to forbid my best friends from talking to S. But I did it anyway.
Here's the thing. If I love you, I would not hesitate to even wash your feet and drink that water, but when you're out of my life, I take everything away. If it was possible, I would even want to erase every single memory of me from the minds of people I oust from my life. I am extreme in my love and hate.
My friends are my family. And I was hurt and I was not okay with them talking to someone who has hurt me.
And, yes, I knew by asking Apeksha not to keep in touch with S, I was in a way hurting him. I knew it would affect him.
I knew it was a wrong thing to do. And my sweet girlfriends, except G of course(Who is also a sweetheart, but just more practical to give into something like this), agreed without a single why. They understood they said. I do have sweet friends, no?
So Apeksha, I am okay. He was your friend too. He's been a good friend to you. Yes, I still want to keep you with me and not have you talk to S. But I don't have that right, even as your best friend, I do not.
Things happen, fuck ups happen, people you love don't always love you back, you get hurt and you don't always do the right thing.
But it's not too late for me to do the right thing. I am sorry I kept you away from a friend.