The Awakening...

Stumbled upon this today. I am going to frame this and hang it in my room.


*****
A time comes in your life when you finally get it …

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice in your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying! You are tired of struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are … and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh, and what you should wear, and where you should shop, and what you should drive, how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are, what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.

And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.

You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man (or woman) on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love … and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms … just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely … and you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you ”stack up”.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings or entitlement are perfectly OK … and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want … and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won’t settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his/her touch … and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. You learn that your body really is your temple. And, you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve … and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, FEAR ITSELF.

You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometime bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers.

It’s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state – the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

A Woman Named Drown...

It was hot, as it always is in Mumbai, and we were all back at our hotel after watching No One Killed Jessica. I was in my room, everyone had gone back to theirs, getting ready for the evening. We were supposed to be at Munira's reception venue by 7pm and it was already 5pm. Anjali and I shared one room, Apeksha and Mandy were in the other room. I was sitting on one of the beds, and I could hear Anjali in the bathroom. I was done with my bath, and I should have been getting up and getting ready, we were already late, but I just sat there on the bed in my towel, listening to sound of running shower. Absorbing the sound, her presence. Just the fact that she was around. I felt good. I felt calm. I felt...safe, loved.

I am missing them all today, my people.

I wish I could fly. I wish I could go sit next to them, not talk, not do anything. Just sit next to them, absorb their energies, be around them, feel their presence. And once in a while, have them look up at me and smile. Just that. Not more. Just that.

Two Countries...

Skin remembers how long the years grow

when skin is not touched, a gray tunnel

of singleness, feather lost from the tail

of a bird, swirling onto a step,

swept away by someone who never saw

it was a feather. Skin ate, walked,

slept by itself, knew how to raise a

see-you-later hand. But skin felt

it was never seen, never known as

a land on the map, nose like a city,

hip like a city, gleaming dome of the mosque

and the hundred corridors of cinnamon and rope.

Skin had hope, that's what skin does.

Heals over the scarred place, makes a road.

Love means you breathe in two countries.

And skin remembers--silk, spiny grass,

deep in the pocket that is skin's secret own.

Even now, when skin is not alone,

it remembers being alone and thanks something larger

that there are travelers, that people go places

larger than themselves.

- Naomi Shihab Nye

June...

"When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn’t make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. “It’s all right” we whisper, “I’m here, I love you.” and we lie: “I’ll never leave you.” For just a moment or two the darkness doesn’t seem so bad." — Neil Gaiman

Flight...

I should be getting up, eat something, dress up...I have been dealing with it for hours now...but it doesn't seem to budge...like a pest, it annoyingly follows me every where I go...follows me like a shadow...fucking up my neatly lined brain on its way...I check the time again, I have to meet a friend in exactly an hour's time and knowing Mumbai traffic, I should be in an auto now...instead ...I am typing this...why?


I open Facebook, voyeurism is so common these days, we don't even blink before nosing our way into others' life. Lots of photos, people love posting their pics, I wonder why...what makes them want to put up their pics for one and all to see? Then there are updates about who's having lunch with whom...someone's put up a video of catwalk fails....there's dear D posting an article about injustice against women of Saudi Arabia...then music videos...all hip hop, trance, club...no one likes mellow songs these days? Maybe, they do, but are afraid to accept that they like meaningful songs? It's not cool to like slow sentimental songs, you're sissy if you do. Whatever. Who cares? I need a hatchet to drive this thing away, it's not going away. It is instead laughing at my silly attempt to ignore it.


I ask the friend if it's okay if I am late by an hour.


It wins, I give in. 

A Person, A Book, A Love...

Sometimes you weep for life, sometimes life weeps for you.

Three Things...

Erm, yes, I am alive

Jasmines...

It's true, it could happen, even this late...

Chal Diyay...

I am falling in love with this song...



Yeh haryali, yeh asaman
Yeh ghatta meri razdan
Yeh haryali, yeh asaman
Yeh ghatta meri razdan
Raat kay pahlo main diye
teray lia hain bichay
tera haath tham kay
lo hum bhi chal diye
hum bhi chal diye
hai charon taraf
pehli howi arzoo
dil main chupi
ankhon mian hi aaye kion
aas wohi dil main liye
is arzoo main hum jiye
tera haath tham kay
lo hum bhi chal diye
hum bhi chal diye
thandi dhoop main
aik aah loon
sard si pairon talay
paon main rah kion wohi
chaltay jain in rahon pay
teray lia hain bichay
tera haath tham kay
lo hum bhi chal diye
hum bhi chal diye.

Now You See, Now You Don't...

I was speaking to sister today and listening to how naughty the nephew's become, and I must admit I am looking forward to their visit in Diwali this year.


The first time I saw the nephew in real life, I had just come home that morning, he was on the living room floor, dressed in a yellow t-shirt(I think he looks the best in yellow) and diapers, playing with his yellow-red cars. And as I approached him, tentatively, scared that he might start crying, I said look who's here and extended my hand, smilingly, to touch his cheeks, and he looked up, smiled, placed his forefinger on my palm. And the fact that he's such a pricey baby and does not let anyone even close, made that gesture all the more precious.



That same afternoon, having put him to sleep, sister went out for some work. And just an hour later nephew woke up and of course, on finding himself alone in a new place, without his mother around, started howling. After 10 minutes of pacifying him, mother finally gave him to me, just play with him she said. And I, very reluctantly of course, picked him up, a crying baby (for the very first time in my life, I hate crying babies!) and he sat snuggly on my right arm, looked at me, placed his head on my shoulder, wrapped his tiny arms around my neck and slept with a whimper, tears still stuck to his long black eyelashes, much like morning dew on grass.



And with those two gestures he gave me the most precious thing a baby can give you, his trust. And with that, he made sure that his aunt will do anything, but never misplace it.



Every time I think of the newphew, I remember this one time I was trying to put him to sleep, and after twenty minutes I had exhausted the few precious lullabies I knew, and the nephew was still wide awake. So I finally started singing/humming Bollywood songs. No kidding, he slept in five minutes! :P Don't ask me which Bollywood songs now :)



Talking about sleeping, the sight of a sleeping baby must be one of those heart-achingly beautiful images that will never fade from your mind. His little hands placed side by side on the bed, his tiny pink fingers curled. His dark eyelashes making half moons on his pink puffed cheeks, his ruffled hair, his pink soft lips, his little chest rising gently, and you almost swell with pride, as a human, on seeing such a beautiful human infant.



But no, I still do not like kids.

Listen, O Breeze...

Such sweet and simple lyrics...

Life really is about all those simple moments...the cool breeze, the pitter-patter sound of rain, full moon...

I so wish I was in Rajasthan right now, with sand between my toes, under the starry sky, in front of a bonfire, listening to this song...

P.S: It's so awesome the kind of music Coke Studio is making. So so grateful!



senṛaan ra baairya dheemo madhuro ri baaj
listen, O breeze, softly and sweetly blow


dheemo dheemo madhuro ri baaj re baaireeya
softly, softly, sweetly blow, O breeze

senṛaan ra baairya dheemo madhuro ri baaj
listen, O breeze, softly and sweetly blow

tanri banṛaaoon dhola raaji taansali e lo
I make a serving dish, sweetheart, of my physical being

manṛe ri karoon man waar re baaireeya
and following my heart, I offer up my heart to you, O breeze

senṛaan ra baairya dheemo madhuro ri baaj
listen, O breeze, softly and sweetly blow

raajo ji padhaarya raaji mahal men e lo
when my prince arrived in the royal palace

doodaan barsyo mew re baaireeya
he brought such happiness and prosperity that it rained milk, O breeze

senṛaan ra baairya dheemo madhuro ri baaj
listen, O breeze, softly and sweetly blow

inṛ dis maan mhaaro raaji lo base re lo
in this direction, does my darling prince live

inṛdis aawe ṭhanḍṛi hinṛ re baaireeya
(for) from this direction, blows a fresh and cool wind, O breeze

senṛaan ra baairya dheemo madhuro ri baaj
listen, O breeze, softly and sweetly blow

Life Is Sweet...

It's a pity
It's a crying shame
Who pulled you down again?
How painful it must be
To bruise so easily inside

It's a pity
It's a downright crime
But it happens all the time
You wanna stay little daddy's girl
Wanna hide from the vicious world outside

But don't cry
Know the tears'll do no good
So dry your eyes

Your daddy he's the iron man
A battleship wrecked on dry land
Your mama she's a bitter bride
She'll never be satisfied,
And you know
That's not right

But don't cry
Know the tears'll do no good
So dry your eyes

They told you life is hard
It's misery from the start
It's dull and slow and painful

I tell you life is sweet
In spite of the misery
There's so much more
Be grateful

Who do you believe?
Who will you listen to
Who will it be?
It's high time that you decide
In your own mind

Tried to comfort you
Tried to tell you to be patient
They are blind
They can't see

Fortune gonna come some day
All gonna fade away
Your daddy the war machine and
Your mama the long and suffering
Prisoner of what she can not see

They told you life is hard
It's misery from the start
It's dull and slow and painful

I tell you life is sweet
In spite of the misery
There's so much more
Be grateful

Who do you believe?
Who will you listen to
Who will it be?

It's high time you decide
It's time you make up your own sweet little mind

They told you life is long
Be thankful when it's done
Don't ask for more
You should be grateful

But I tell you life is short
Be thankful because before you know
It will be over

Cause life is sweet
And life is also very short
Your life is sweet

HT: Swb (Thank you :))

Hereafter...

duur ek gaon hai 

wahan thandi chaon hai

behti nadiya hai

jaana hai nadiya k paar