Life, I just can't be arsed about you.
*****
Oh these long unyielding nights! I have started to fear these unfriendly sleepless nights now. The despairing panic that blankets the sky come evening...the long wait ahead drowned in cup after cup of sweet tea.
Nothing happens.
Sometimes, tangy tomato soup to keep me warm. Still. Nothing happens.
The cicadas try to keep me company, but I reject them. They make too much noise.
I sit close to the warm, humming machine instead, scrolling word after word.
Numbing.
Days are no better. Left on the coffee table in anonymity, they shift and shuffle, unattended.
Banal. I reject them too.
*****
Dreams, evade. Nothing to dream of. Death too escapes. Nothing to live for.
I have given up on death. It has nothing to offer. It will cheat you into surrender and then poof. Nothing. It will not deliver on what it initially promised.
There's no hope.
*****
The other day I dreamt that some mad scientist has brought the dinosaurs back to life. And that people were living in mansions and houses that float.
I wonder what will happen if the dinosaurs come back to life. I, for one, will welcome them.
*****
Maybe I should go have a kid or something I am thinking. It'll keep me occupied and busy enough for me to never realise that I am not living.
Busy enough to inhale and exhale enough number of times through the day without questioning why.
That's what women have done in every generation. Have kids to escape this never ending unhappiness.
And in turn, created more of it. But maybe I can do it better. Arrogance.
Maybe, after all, there is some hope.
I'll go polish my knuckles now.
*****
Oh these long unyielding nights! I have started to fear these unfriendly sleepless nights now. The despairing panic that blankets the sky come evening...the long wait ahead drowned in cup after cup of sweet tea.
Nothing happens.
Sometimes, tangy tomato soup to keep me warm. Still. Nothing happens.
The cicadas try to keep me company, but I reject them. They make too much noise.
I sit close to the warm, humming machine instead, scrolling word after word.
Numbing.
Days are no better. Left on the coffee table in anonymity, they shift and shuffle, unattended.
Banal. I reject them too.
*****
Dreams, evade. Nothing to dream of. Death too escapes. Nothing to live for.
I have given up on death. It has nothing to offer. It will cheat you into surrender and then poof. Nothing. It will not deliver on what it initially promised.
There's no hope.
*****
The other day I dreamt that some mad scientist has brought the dinosaurs back to life. And that people were living in mansions and houses that float.
I wonder what will happen if the dinosaurs come back to life. I, for one, will welcome them.
*****
Maybe I should go have a kid or something I am thinking. It'll keep me occupied and busy enough for me to never realise that I am not living.
Busy enough to inhale and exhale enough number of times through the day without questioning why.
That's what women have done in every generation. Have kids to escape this never ending unhappiness.
And in turn, created more of it. But maybe I can do it better. Arrogance.
Maybe, after all, there is some hope.
I'll go polish my knuckles now.
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