No Sugar For You...

I wonder why people continue to be mean and hurtful to others, when they know what harm it can cause. I guess maybe they enjoy it, I guess maybe it gives them a high. I guess, people hurt others cause it makes them feel powerful. But I wonder if that high wears off into regret ever.

Under The Bell Jar...

"Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences."

Reading a wonderful book is like falling in love. The heady rush you feel when you know this book is what you were waiting for, all along, and you can't wait to turn page after page, and devour all of its loveliness like a hungry wolf, make it your own, live inside it and get lost in his mysterious folds. You know you're in love with a book when you want to tell everyone about it.

Found...

Your kisses
Ave told me
That i'll never be alone

The only
Place on earth
That truly feels like home

I'll never
Recover
Bewitched as i am by you

You grew me
Orange trees
From under new skies so blue

And you made shy
Flowers bloom
From under the falling snow

Through my life
I love you
'Til these words all cease to flow

Oh you're so
Beautiful
You make my blue eyes ache

The looks that
You send me
Are causing my heart to break

Bewitched as i am by you

Unfulfilled Dreams...

It's hard to swallow failure. It's hard to tell yourself not to shed tears. It's hard to smile when a friend tells you to keep trying, something good is waiting for you. It's hard to believe that something good is actually on its way to you. It's hard to get up and get going and not wallow in self-pity.

But by god, I am exhausted. I am bone deep, soul aching tired. I want to go away. Far from all these expectations, from this life, from all these people too. Just be alone and do nothing. Sleep in your arms, curled, warm, safe. Build me a castle, lock me in and wake me up after a hundred years. Let me be a loser and run away and hide and blame it all on some invisible power and not try again. 

Little People, Big Horrors....

It's been almost 10 days since the nephew came to India, and I have come to understand three universal truths about having kids. I shall write a whole big post later, when I get some time, but for now, pay attention:


Realization# 1: Forgot all about yourself once you have a kid. In short, your freedom is fucked.

Realization# 2: For a cleanliness and neatness freak like me, having a kid around is like my worst nightmare come true. Either have two dozen servants at hand to clean and mop constantly, do it yourself and die of exhaustion or then close your eyes and learn to enjoy living in something like a pigsty.

Realization# 3: Women, oh dear women, your beautiful divine body, it will resemble something close to a overstuffed potato sack after having a baby. And that'll be the least of your worries. Unless ofcourse you're Victoria Beckham. In which case, you can go sip a martini and worry about your $20,000 manicure.


Nature, you are most biased toward men. 

Japan And The Earthquake...

Ours might be a country populated with humans, but ours is no civilization. I shudder every time I think what would have happened had it been India and not Japan. These japs, I used to call them crazy, but I now say that with utmost respect. 

A foreigner's perspective about Japan. Better be safe than sorry, Japan shows us how and why. 

A Woman...

I immediately took to her. We met at the airport. She had come along with the bride's brother to pick me up. We said our hellos and me, like always, the curious cat, asked her a 100 questions. But she had me at the first one itself. There was just something so calming about her. Confidence and self-assuredness almost radiated from her. She was my exact opposite. While I am perpetually confused, she seemed calm and composed. Like she knew where she was heading and she was prepared. She didn't have an identity crisis like I do. She knew herself, and that self-awareness reflected in everything she did.


She was beautiful, not in the classical sense, but to me she was beautiful. Wholesome. She looked best in a Saree. When you look at me, you don't think woman, maybe the word girl comes to your mind. But there was something so womanly about her. Graceful. Her thick arms, you could cry in the circle of her arms and she would build a warm wall of love around you. She could envelope you in her bosom and you'd feel safe. You could imagine a kid straddled on her ample hips playing with her hair. You could imagine her with a brood of 6, calmly feeding them and then happily playing with them. She wasn't dainty, fragile, easily breakable. She was strong, wall-like, you could depend on her. While even a slight breeze could blow me away, she looked like the anchor you could hold onto. Flustered. Yes, that's the word. While I am, often, flustered, she was the kind who could stare in the face of a storm and then turn and look at you and tell you in a very sober voice to run, run for your life.


There was an openness about her that I so envied. I might walk like I was going to a war, armed, my face closed, betraying any emotion, but she? She looked like she was walking in her own garden, maybe out to fetch some fresh tomatoes. Always so uninhibited. Like she had a protective shield around her that would prevent any harm from coming near her. I would seek her out in crowds, wanting to be close to that protective shield. She told me she was getting married in two months time, and I envied the guy who would have her as his life partner.


If I was a guy, I thought, this is the kind of woman I would want to spend the rest of my life with.