Flowers That Can Fly...

So when Divya asked me who my best friends were, for a moment it reminded me of school days when you tried to have as many best friends as you could, 'cause having many best friends was supposed to be "cool".


And when D said, "we're two very different people, yet we are alike too", I realised in friendship that's a good thing. Being different is good. However, in a marriage, I am not even saying a relationship, in a marriage, I have come to realize that "similar" works and not different.


In a friendship, try to seek out varied and different people. There'll be much more learning. When it comes to marriage, try to look for someone who is similar. Who has same likes, dislikes, interests, goals and dreams. And this is completely opposite of what I used to think some 12 months back. I always thought two people who were alike would spell boredom in a marriage. But that just ain't true. It would be a generalization, but it takes many compromises and adjustments and a lot of "understanding" for two dissimilar people to work a marriage and more so when it's arranged.


Anyway, coming back to best friends, what makes a friend a best friend? I think the people I call best friends are the ones with whom I am not afraid to be myself. I can be me, whoever she is. Weird, flawed, good, awesome, bad. Grumpy, cranky, petty, bitchy, loving. Me. And they will not mind.


These people, they have seen the worst in me, the best, the good and the bad. And they are still around. I think that is what makes them special to me. That is what makes them "best friends" to me.


Who's your best friend?

Soft Pink Kisses...

Most women in arranged marriages don't love their husbands when they get married; and later, they don't have a choice.


*****

You know what is the first thing I am going to do when I go to Bombay? Make friends with this lady here and do what she does. SHOP. Swasta and Masta indeed! 

Oh, the joy of finding something good! And the greater joy of finding it cheap! Nothing can beat that! Not even a good foot massage!

*****

I just arranged the Shelf above my study table today and how come I never realised it? I love my books-cum-other-things shelf. It's awesome. I am awesome. 

I have all these awesome books neatly arranged by size and thickness and colour. And I have my copy of Bhagvad Geeta (I like having it there nestled amongst the likes of Cervantes and Oscar Wilde). And then I have my hand-painted gods** and then these little things(curios/souvenirs) gifted by friends. Like this candle which has a metal elephant or the little metal tower of Paris Apeksha brought from Paris. Or then the earthenware with Warli painting made by Garima. Or then those little colourful aboriginal tequila glasses by Praveen. Then there's the Orange blossom tea tin gifted by Praveen again. I love that tea. Like my favouritest ever. What can be better than Orange flavoured tea? My two favourite things together! Then the Capricorn cup with a little fairy on it by Munira. I do have awesome friends :) Then my sister's soft toys she left back. Then my bachpan ka mickeymouse walla pen stand. My paint brushes and pens and pencils in my favourite blue coffee mug. My favourite Dior jewellery box. And other little boxes. I love boxes. Like little treasure boxes. How exciting they are! Then Vitamins bottle, sea cod pills. Almonds and walnuts ka jar. Pink nail paint bottle. My diaries. My cds and my perfumes box gifted by Jiju. And a photoframe with my kiddie pic. 

I like the idea of shelf. You know, if want to really understand someone, go see how they live. I think a person's private space says so much about him or her. I think it's fascinating how much you can glean about the person from just his shelf. 

**I had made this Ganesh idol from clay in 7th grade. And I guess I must be watching too many Bollywod movies back then cause I remember telling myself that if that Ganesh idol ever breaks, I'll die. Ha! Well, now you know how to kill me. 

*****

I really do hate the fact that most of my guy friends can cook and cook well. Like really! They compete with me! :( You know, I can not sing. Or dance. Or be funny. I can't even be all intelligent or sexy. Like really. Can you leave one thing that I can do well? Please men? 

I remember as kids while sister could get away with being beautiful, I had nothing to show off in front of the guests (Yes, insecurity breeds since childhood. I am still looking for that yellow dress just in case). So while parents would place my sister in front of the guests and they, guests, would gush over how cute and pretty she was, my parents would say, "A, go get that plate of biscuits from the kitchen."

Or then bad still, "A stood 3rd in her class." And no one would bother. 

And you can not, just can not imagine my trauma, and what a trauma it is at 10 years of age, when the guests break your happy little I-am-worthy-of-some-praise bubble, when they beg your parents to take you away before you start entertaining them by telling them funny (atleast in my mind they were!) jokes. My jokes! No one wanted to hear my jokes :( And such nice jokes they were too!

And now these men! Who can make better mustard chicken than I can! *sniff sniff*

I think my sister's hex is finally working. As a teenager when I used to laugh at my sister's attempts at cooking, she used to give me that look that only older, arrogant sisters are capable of and say, "A, I hope you get married into a house where no one loves food! And so you can cook and cook and no one will appreciate you!" 

Yes. She did say that. Can't believe it right? Me neither :( What can I say? I do have an evil sister. And when I used to go crying about it to mom, she used to just ignore me :( Or if I was lucky, shoo me with a, "go cut an onion or something". 

Sigh. Maybe I am adopted after all. I should go cry now.

Darling Orange, Let's Elope!

(Long post. Feel free to skip)

The other day I heard someone say that she wants to be a CEO someday. And I was like, wait, how come *I* never dreamed of being a CEO? I mean, yes I always wanted a fabulous career where I get to wear Prada and carry a Birkin to work with a city view from a three inch thick carpeted office with rosewood desk and a leather chair with a mini-bar in the corner, but heck, WHY did I never dream of being a CEO!

And I realised I always dreamt of having love instead. That was my dream as a little girl. Not a CEO, a wife. Which is shocking considering how scared I am of marriage. And hated men for my entire teenage life. And still don't like kids much***. But hey! like they say, give a capricon girl a good marriage over a good career and she'll start drafting her resignation letter, I guess it no surprise then. And yes, I don't believe in astrology.

Anyway, M has been behind my life for me to get married. Like I am pull-my-hair-out frustrated with his "Shaddi kar lo yaar". And so owing to the fact that he has loads of friends I asked him to look for a guy instead of just giving me some mindless marriage gyaan. Like I can write a thesis on marriage too dude! Who needs free consultation? And so I drafted a list. A list of my must-haves. That should shut up him nice I thought. Here goes!

He has to lurrrve reading. Sorry, I never had this as a requirement, but I realized it's necessary. I remember this one time S told me he was reading a book, which in itself was a miracle. He hated reading anything that was 2 paragraphs long. So I, all excited, asked him which book! And he said Chetan Bhagat. Yes, yes I am a snobbish. But that broke my little book heart. It killed me to know that while I was *trying* to read Goethe, he was reading Chetan Bhagat. Like really? Chetan Bhagat? (but hey I still loved you!)

He has to love travelling. There's no fucking way I am settling for this. I'll marry a dog and take him on road trips, but if I don't find a man who loves travelling, I am not marrying. Period.

He has to love food but hate cooking and more importantly must know how to appreciate. I hated that S could cook so well. When do I get to show off then? And if he also loves cooking, there's going to be competition. He's always going to claim his stupid salad is better than my strawberry delight in front of the guests. No way lettuce, I am not sharing my limelight, I want it all baby! But yes, he can clean the kitchen. I am quite nice that way, see? I'll even do a 9 and 1/2 weeks if he promises to clean the kitchen every day.

And appreciation, well, since the time I started cooking, my dad has never ever said I cook well. The only way we know he loves my cooking is cause he always takes a second helping, which is unusual for him. I like cooking for people but they also better appreciate the cooking, unlike my mom, who'll say, "yeah it's okay, the carrots are still undercooked but you can make this for my next kitty party, my friends will love it." Yes. Thank you mom. You see? I am literally cooking for an ungrateful bunch of people. I would like some gratitude from my better half or he's eating in a restaurant.

Who lets me dress up. Yes, I am tired of men who want me to "just wear jeans". I want to wear a "dress". Yes, I am insecure. So till I find my inner beauty, let me wear that red number, ok gingerbread? Once I stumble upon my beautiful soul I promise I'll wear a sack.

He has to be a good conversationalist. I love talking. So I should ideally look for a great listener. This does not make sense, but whatever. I wake up everyday hoping to have a good conversation, and if I am marrying ever, he better be good at talking.

This one is so clichéd, but he has to be funny. I am not funny, so there has to be someone making the jokes right? Not at my expense though. Didn't I say I am insecure? If you are going to laugh at my ass you're sleeping in the bathtub. Simple.

He has to be passionate about something. Anything. Music, sports, Mac, the colour black, cars, Star wars, DC comics, butterflies, match boxes and sigh,  I'll even take diamonds (A girl can't be too choosy after all eh?). But men who have no passion in life are as interesting as a man talking about masturbation. No one wants to hear them.

And the last one, and this is like the filter test, he has to be intelligent. I am not. So the only hope for my kids is that their father has some gray matter. I realise it's a 50-50 thing, I mean what if they take after me? In that case I have a plan. I am giving them up for adoption. First come first serve basis. If the husband does not like it, he goes on sale too.

That's it. I promised it won't be huge. I am a girl of simple tastes after all.

***Every weekend we have these video chats with my sister where the nephew gets to show off and everyone gushes over his tiny arm movements. And where mom chastises me that I am a very horrible aunt who never talks to him, the kid. And I am like, what the hell, he can not even hear me! Or see me! He doesn't even know who I am or what I am talking. What am I going to talk to him anyway? Did you have lunch today honeybun? And oh you had oatmeal and gripe water! What a wonderful lunch you had! Isn't mommy the best? What? Why should I baby talk? I'll talk to him when he grows up and can understand me. Till then I am just going to laugh every time he tries to sit and falls on his diaper-clad tush. Haha, it's quite cute.

Knotty Issues...

This song is pure unadulterated mush.



I think this is one of those perfect honeymoon songs. So perfect infact that it makes me want to get married just so I could wear those awesome sarees, braid my hair, fill maang with sindoor and all that. Nice? Indian women are hot I say. Hotter than any Jolies or Foxes.


And why don't women wear gajra these days? It's one of those Indian womanly things that makes you all...beautiful. Flowers in hair. Lovely, no?


And I don't understand why people go to places like Switzerland and Mauritius, book a nice plush hotel and order champagne and strawberries. I think that's pretty boring. My idea of a perfect honeymoon would be Egypt, or Morocco, Israel or Turkey or Cambodia or Mexico**. Or even a backpacking trip to the interiors and less travelled places in India. I always wonder if couples get bored during a honeymoon***, I mean, really, there's only *that* much sex you're going to have. What then? Honeymoon is supposed to bring you closer, and a big four poster bed is not going to that. How about a tent on the Tibetan Plateau? That should be fun! Or travelling through Sikkim in a rickety bus or even walking through the jungles of South Africa (Okay, maybe you can wear high rubber boots?). Now that's a good business idea there. Someone needs to market these destinations as honeymoon places.


And I need more crazy people around me so that I can say, "Are you crazy?". I can even say that in 7 different ways, really. Maybe you can ask me out for coffee and I could do a little demo for you. But I don't promise.


I think I have started appreciating Indian men. What was I doing all these years? Dreaming about Italians and Brits. You know, only if Indian men weren't such mumma's boys, they'd be perfect! I mean at 64, my Dad still raves about his mother's cooking!


And how beautiful is a relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law where both love and appreciate each other? It's difficult, this relationship, but when you get it right, it's one of those rare beautiful  friendships that has the power to brighten even the dullest moments.


I know what you're thinking, but it's the song. I swear. God promise!


Alright I'll go read some man-hating book now. That should cure!



**Someone please gift me a couple of million dollars!
***I could ask Anoop, but I doubt he'll answer.

A Morning...

An uncle in my building passed away today. He was not that old, maybe 50, but had suffered a bypass and had been keeping ill for sometime now. I never talked to uncle, I don't even really remember his face. I am not the social kinds, much to mum's chagrin. All mum's society friends think I am snobbish, but really, I just don't know what to say to them, and smiles don't come easy these days. It's sad, but that's how things stand.


So here I was dreaming away, sitting by my window, and I realized, downstairs they were taking away his body. It felt cruel to be dreaming, when a soul had passed away, when someone's daughter was crying, when someone's wife was desolate, a family was mourning.


You know, how you're always so sure you are going to have the people you have in our life all your life? Like you never think about it. Your family, your friends, you think they are there for you...forever. But what happens when they leave you? What happens when they leave when they are not supposed to leave? When their time is not done...not according to you atleast?


People have come and gone like breeze in my life. Always leaving me behind, they have gone after their dreams, their destinations, to their people. I am used to being left alone. I am used being left behind. There is shock and there's hurt and there's immense anger when they leave. Specially when they were not supposed to leave. Specially when you're not ready to let them go. Specially when you need them. But you are never given a choice.


I have learnt to spend every minute I have with them keeping in mind that they could go any time, with a notice or without one. That the time I have with them will never come back and that I might not get any more in the future too. They might give you enough time to reconcile with the fact that they will no longer be a part of your life, like an ill parent, you'll have enough time to prepare for the eventuality, or like a friend who decides he/she doesn't want to be a part of your life any more, just like that, they might go without a notice. But one day they all have to go. I have made peace with it.


It's a funny thing. Praveen used to say to me that I am a girl with many emotional needs. I have a rainbow of emotions. Which is why I always needed these people around me. Each one different from the other, each one special. Each one in my life had a purpose and a meaning. Each one meant something to me, each one provided in some way. But slowly they all left. And I am learning to fend for myself. My emotions. I am learning to take care of my own emotional needs all by myself. It's not easy, you'll feel lonely more often than you'd like to feel, even for an introvert, but that's how life is. It teaches you things you rather not learn.

*****
The first thing M says these days is "get married". That's how he starts his conversations with me. Maybe he can read what I refuse to acknowledge. And what he says makes sense. Then P and H and a whole bunch of friends have started counselling too. Before going on Caribbean holiday sister gave gyaan on how I should marry now and have kids before it's all too late. And look, ups and downs will be there, she says, but one must do what one must do. And then she said something very cruel, and I hated hearing it. But it's true. Like a wanderer, how long will I go from one guy to another? When will I make a home for myself?


The other day I was making breakfast and mum was sipping her chai, and then in a very unsure voice she says, "Do you like anyone? If you do, why don't you introduce him?" And I went all "huh? what hit you?" Mum has talked about marriage before, and every time she did, I cried like a 3 year old who did not want to be sent away to hostel. Yes, I cried, I bawled and I told her not to talk about such stuff to me. But this time I realised I needed to talk. So I told her I used to like someone and had thought I wanted to spend my whole life with him. But he did not. And so we had a big discussion, she sympathized, showed concern, advised and told me to think about marriage. And I told her I needed time but that I'll give it a thought. She seemed to be okay with it. I guess she was just happy I did not cry this time.


Was speaking to G yesterday. And what she said, much to my dread, made sense. Yes, compromises will have to be made. You have to make peace with things you do not like. He smokes? Too bad, you have to "accept" it. He does not take you out on romantic dinners, too bad, but atleast he offers to help you in the kitchen. Yes, no one is perfect. Like someone said on twitter,

There is no one soulmate. No one true love. No one perfect someone. Its all about you getting tired of chasing the perfection. And so any two people are perfect for each other given the right compromises, or disastrous together given the right circumstances.

They are people like you and me, all same, with just different shades. And it all comes down to, how much more longer are you willing to walk alone?