Warning: Disjointed incoherent post that's full of inane rants and cribs written under medication follows. If I were you, I'd skip.
Back home, I have been the queen of the castle from time to time. And every time dad-mum went away for extended periods of time, I'd plan a vacation myself too(What a queen eh? :P) And although it's a record that I never finish all the food on my plate, I do hate wasting food. And so every time I had to leave the house locked, I'd make sure I was not leaving any perishable food items behind. Fruits, snacks, fresh vegetables...I'd make sure the fridge would be empty before I left for my vacation.
I got up on the morning I was moving out and went into the kitchen to make tea, there was banana-chocolate cake on the table, ripe (glorious) red tomatoes, there was one whole packet of mushrooms in the fridge, ofcourse there was a mountain of leftover food, vegetables, fruits, I saw three lovely sweetcorns and for a minute I panicked. Wait a minute, I thought, all this food is going to rot? And that's when it sunk in, that I was not going for a vacation, that I was the one leaving...that I was not coming back.
It's funny, of all things, it should be food.
Though I still feel like I have come on a business trip, and that I will be going back "home" in 2 weeks time. And specially today, when am all ill, I so want to be back home :( And then I spoke to dad on the phone and then I cried (Oh whatever, you're just heartless). And then I spoke to my sister and she made me talk to my nephew who well can't talk yet, but says "maachi" and laughed(nautanki) for 10 minutes on the phone, and then I wanted to be there and play peek-a-boo with him and hear him laugh and not be all alone in this soulless hotel room! Growing up sucks! What the hell was wrong with me when I decided I wanted to be all independent and live by myself?? I suck at this "independent" thing! I am even looking forward to my never-met-before, fresh-out-of-college, backstreetboys-britneyspears-loving-girl-who-has-only-read-Chetan-bhagat, could-be-spoilt "dally" girl (that should actually scare me) roommate!
And what's making it worse is that I don't have a kitchen to myself. I am already missing home cooked food. I ordered ginger tea today, since I was badly craving it, and good lord, these stupid hotel people can't even make decent adrak walli chai? And I am not even in China for pete's sake!
I remember when I was in China, I used to travel by the tube trains there and one night, I was coming back to the hotel and I stumbled and fell down on the bridge, and people stopped, looked and started walking again as if nothing happened. I came home and cried in the hotel room cause there was no one to pick me up, I am sure Indian men would have been nicer :) It was a silly thing to cry over. I mean, I fall all the time, not a big thing, I never expect anyone to pick me up in India here, in fact I get embarrassed if anyone comes rushing to help. But in a new country...my aloneness was so amplified I realise I could cry even if I saw an Indian ad. I need a lot of "me" time, but I have realised I can't stay away from my people (whoever they are and however they are) and be happy. At home, I hardly spoke to parents, or spent time with them, I'd be always locked up in my room, doing my things, which is what I am doing here, locked up in my hotel room, with internet access, TV and books and food, but even if I was locked up in my room at home, I could always open the door and hear my mom speak to her friends on the phone or hear her cook in the kitchen or hear the blaring sound of TV and know that dad was watching news. I miss those sounds. Those were sounds of safety and family.
And what it making it more worse is this hot freaking weather. I am 100% sure I must have sweat atleast 3 buckets of sweat in the last 3 days. No kidding. I am surprised people even wear clothes here.
And the cherry on the cake? I move in and I all the people I know here have either left the city for good, or are away till god-knows-when. It's like I am cursed or something. Why god why? The only solace in my life right now is my (good-looking) broker, who's is in love with me, and who does his best to make me feel less lonely (Stop laughing Apeksha). But unfortunately, he found out that I am also talking to other brokers (Eh well, I am new to the broker-relationship thing), and he was quite heart-broken. So he calls me up at 10 in the night and after a lot of throat-clearing says,"madam, don't feel bad, but please don't talk to other brokers, I am putting so much heart and effort in looking for a flat for you, why do you need to talk to other brokers? I am there no, I'll find every available flat for you!"
(And he said it which such sincerity that I almost felt ashamed for a minute.)
And I feel loved.
And shame on you if you judged me just now, sitting there in your cozy homes with home cooked meals and cuddly doggies drooling at your feet and furry cats meowing at you.
But being the sweet soul that I am, I could forgive you if you come visit me and bring some hot potato-leek soup along (beer would also do).
And so here I am, supposedly my second day at the new workplace and I am instead sitting all wrapped up in the hotel room, talking to myself, and oh, ofcourse, waiting for my broker to call. What? He promised he'll call in an hour!
P.S: G, darling, I would eternally hate you now if you now ditched me.
P.P.S: I don't know anything about how to hunt for a place in a new city and you clearly didn't read the warning, your fault!
Back home, I have been the queen of the castle from time to time. And every time dad-mum went away for extended periods of time, I'd plan a vacation myself too(What a queen eh? :P) And although it's a record that I never finish all the food on my plate, I do hate wasting food. And so every time I had to leave the house locked, I'd make sure I was not leaving any perishable food items behind. Fruits, snacks, fresh vegetables...I'd make sure the fridge would be empty before I left for my vacation.
I got up on the morning I was moving out and went into the kitchen to make tea, there was banana-chocolate cake on the table, ripe (glorious) red tomatoes, there was one whole packet of mushrooms in the fridge, ofcourse there was a mountain of leftover food, vegetables, fruits, I saw three lovely sweetcorns and for a minute I panicked. Wait a minute, I thought, all this food is going to rot? And that's when it sunk in, that I was not going for a vacation, that I was the one leaving...that I was not coming back.
It's funny, of all things, it should be food.
Though I still feel like I have come on a business trip, and that I will be going back "home" in 2 weeks time. And specially today, when am all ill, I so want to be back home :( And then I spoke to dad on the phone and then I cried (Oh whatever, you're just heartless). And then I spoke to my sister and she made me talk to my nephew who well can't talk yet, but says "maachi" and laughed(nautanki) for 10 minutes on the phone, and then I wanted to be there and play peek-a-boo with him and hear him laugh and not be all alone in this soulless hotel room! Growing up sucks! What the hell was wrong with me when I decided I wanted to be all independent and live by myself?? I suck at this "independent" thing! I am even looking forward to my never-met-before, fresh-out-of-college, backstreetboys-britneyspears-loving-girl-who-has-only-read-Chetan-bhagat, could-be-spoilt "dally" girl (that should actually scare me) roommate!
And what's making it worse is that I don't have a kitchen to myself. I am already missing home cooked food. I ordered ginger tea today, since I was badly craving it, and good lord, these stupid hotel people can't even make decent adrak walli chai? And I am not even in China for pete's sake!
I remember when I was in China, I used to travel by the tube trains there and one night, I was coming back to the hotel and I stumbled and fell down on the bridge, and people stopped, looked and started walking again as if nothing happened. I came home and cried in the hotel room cause there was no one to pick me up, I am sure Indian men would have been nicer :) It was a silly thing to cry over. I mean, I fall all the time, not a big thing, I never expect anyone to pick me up in India here, in fact I get embarrassed if anyone comes rushing to help. But in a new country...my aloneness was so amplified I realise I could cry even if I saw an Indian ad. I need a lot of "me" time, but I have realised I can't stay away from my people (whoever they are and however they are) and be happy. At home, I hardly spoke to parents, or spent time with them, I'd be always locked up in my room, doing my things, which is what I am doing here, locked up in my hotel room, with internet access, TV and books and food, but even if I was locked up in my room at home, I could always open the door and hear my mom speak to her friends on the phone or hear her cook in the kitchen or hear the blaring sound of TV and know that dad was watching news. I miss those sounds. Those were sounds of safety and family.
And what it making it more worse is this hot freaking weather. I am 100% sure I must have sweat atleast 3 buckets of sweat in the last 3 days. No kidding. I am surprised people even wear clothes here.
And the cherry on the cake? I move in and I all the people I know here have either left the city for good, or are away till god-knows-when. It's like I am cursed or something. Why god why? The only solace in my life right now is my (good-looking) broker, who's is in love with me, and who does his best to make me feel less lonely (Stop laughing Apeksha). But unfortunately, he found out that I am also talking to other brokers (Eh well, I am new to the broker-relationship thing), and he was quite heart-broken. So he calls me up at 10 in the night and after a lot of throat-clearing says,"madam, don't feel bad, but please don't talk to other brokers, I am putting so much heart and effort in looking for a flat for you, why do you need to talk to other brokers? I am there no, I'll find every available flat for you!"
(And he said it which such sincerity that I almost felt ashamed for a minute.)
And I feel loved.
And shame on you if you judged me just now, sitting there in your cozy homes with home cooked meals and cuddly doggies drooling at your feet and furry cats meowing at you.
But being the sweet soul that I am, I could forgive you if you come visit me and bring some hot potato-leek soup along (beer would also do).
And so here I am, supposedly my second day at the new workplace and I am instead sitting all wrapped up in the hotel room, talking to myself, and oh, ofcourse, waiting for my broker to call. What? He promised he'll call in an hour!
P.S: G, darling, I would eternally hate you now if you now ditched me.
P.P.S: I don't know anything about how to hunt for a place in a new city and you clearly didn't read the warning, your fault!
1 comment:
love the new template!
and it'd help to know which city you're hunting houses in. am sure people who read, if they can, they will try to help.
You talked of "I am sure Indian men would have been nicer" - oh well, without sounding offensive, I'll state this - Indian men would help a lady in any place. not generalizing for I know exceptions exist but then, you know how Indian men are and why they'd help.
Talking of my own experience, I cried when I was in Japan and I needed help and no one(and I mean no Indian) came forward. The help I received was from a stranger, a Japanese who didn't understand my language, didn't understand my pain but was willing to walk with me in a direction opposite to his. And I really cried. There was another instance when a lady walked me 2 kms to the relocated bank - imagine doing that if say someone comes and asks you at 6pm as you're leaving work - "madam, yahan ek McDonalds hua karta tha, can you please show me the way to its new location" - would you show him the direction or would you maybe walk with him to ensure that he reaches the place he is looking for.
Surprisingly reading this blog of yours, I remembered my past and my present. Given a chance, I want to move away from one and all and be independent. Tried living on both sides, independent and otherwise and I think I like the former - comes with so few strings attached.
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