We Are All Going Forward. None Of Us Are Going Back...

Dear Forgiveness, you know that recently

we have had our difficulties and there are many things

I want to ask you.

I tried that one time, high school, second lunch, and then again,

years later, in the chlorinated pool.

I am still talking to you about help. I still do not have

these luxuries.

I have told you where I’m coming from, so put it together.

I want more applesauce. I want more seats reserved for heroes.

Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you.

Quit milling around the yard and come inside."

— Richard Siken

*****

"I’ve been rereading your story. I think it’s about me in a way that might not be flattering, but that’s okay. We dream and dream of being seen as we really are and then finally someone looks at us and sees us truly and we fail to measure up. Anyway: story received, story included. You looked at me long enough to see something mysterious under all the gruff and bluster. Thanks. Sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them."

— Richard Siken

*****

"All night I streched my arms across

him, rivers of blood, the dark woods, singing

with all my skin and bone ''Please keep him safe.

Let him lay his head on my chest and we will be

like sailors, swimming in the sound of it, dashed

to pieces.'' Makes a cathedral, him pressing against

me, his lips at my neck, and yes, I do believe

his mouth is heaven, his kisses falling over me like stars."

— Richard Siken

Just Like A Woman...

Nobody feels any pain
Tonight as I stand inside the rain
Ev'rybody knows
That Baby's got new clothes
But lately I see her ribbons and her bows
Have fallen from her curls.

She takes just like a woman, yes, she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.

Queen Mary, she's my friend
Yes, I believe I'll go see her again
Nobody has to guess
That Baby can't be blessed
Till she sees finally that she's like all the rest
With her fog, her amphetamine and her pearls.

She takes just like a woman, yes, she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.

It was raining from the first
And I was dying there of thirst
So I came in here
And your long-time curse hurts
But what's worse
Is this pain in here
I can't stay in here
Ain't it clear that --

I just can't fit

Yes, I believe it's time for us to quit
When we meet again
Introduced as friends
Please don't let on that you knew me when
I was hungry and it was your world.

Ah, you fake just like a woman, yes, you do
You make love just like a woman, yes, you do
Then you ache just like a woman
But you break just like a little girl.

Cupcakes...

Wicked Bookmarks...

Oooh I love this! So want!

A bookmark with the Wicked Witch of the East's legs and the ruby slippers...

Totally delish!

From Oops, I craft my pants. Lovely blog. Do check it out. 

Rooms With A View...

Now that I think back, I realise, every room/house I have stayed in, has always had a big window. Even my hostel room had a lovely window that stretched across the whole wall and offered a delightful view of trees and the college building. And I have always had trees outside my windows.

I love windows. And I wish I was in New York in July. You would have found me here.

Chicken Wings and Pig's Feet...

My five top most regrets right now.

1) I wish I could sing. I even recorded my own voice once, and I was confident I mustn't sound THAT bad, ofcourse people were exaggerating and teasing me for fun, but I heard myself sing for 30 seconds and I knew I had many apologies to make.


2) I wish I could write. I want to write, like really write. I want to produce something beautiful, with words. Why? Cause what else is there to living? You need to make something beautiful(and no, babies are not allowed), that'll be the only way you can redeem yourself.


3) I wish I could paint. I know I try my hands at colours at times, and I doodle and stuff, but that's on the same level as a little boy pretending to shave his baby non-hair because he's so fascinated with his dad shaving every morning, and wants to be all manly and cool himself.


4) I wish I could bake. I want to bake. I want to bake. I want to bake. I want to eat cakes and feed people cakes. People who can bake, I kiss your feet. Teach me how to bake now. Thank you.


5) I wish I could stop thinking. No really. It's true. I think too much.

"There were silences in my head. I could abandon myself completely to the pleasure of multiple relationships, to the beauty of the day, to the joys of the day. It was as if a cancer in me had ceased gnawing me. The cancer of introspection."
— Anaïs Nin

How does it feel not to constantly think? Tell me.

Right, and I wish I could not regret at all. I think that is the answer to all my problems. Don't you agree?

The Unkindly Ones...

I have read and heard about the hijra community before. The book Beautiful Thing talks about it in quite a detail. But today I read this, and I wondered about the human struggle to be something else...

It seems that, most of us, are fighting to be something else. Struggling to be someone else. There are people like Mona, born male, but wanting to be female. There are females, who don manly clothes, walk with a swagger and expect the world to look at them with fear. And then there are people like you and me, comfortable in our maleness and femaleness, but still struggling to free ourselves. Still fighting with ourselves, with our families, with the society.

And while the hijras need a sex-change to be what they want to be, it's never too late for us to drop the past baggage and be what we want to be.

Everyone has a chance to be what they wish to be.

I need to remember that often.