Relax...

Bad things are going to happen.

Your tomatoes will grow a fungus

and your cat will get run over.

Someone will leave the bag with the ice cream

melting in the car and throw

your blue cashmere sweater in the drier.

Your husband will sleep

with a girl your daughter’s age, her breasts spilling

out of her blouse. Or your wife

will remember she’s a lesbian

and leave you for the woman next door. The other cat—

the one you never really liked—will contract a disease

that requires you to pry open its feverish mouth

every four hours, for a month.

Your parents will die.

No matter how many vitamins you take,

how much Pilates, you’ll lose your keys,

your hair and your memory. If your daughter

doesn’t plug her heart

into every live socket she passes,

you’ll come home to find your son has emptied

your refrigerator, dragged it to the curb,

and called the used appliance store for a pick up—drug money.

There’s a Buddhist story of a woman chased by a tiger.

When she comes to a cliff, she sees a sturdy vine

and climbs halfway down. But there’s also a tiger below.

And two mice—one white, one black—scurry out

and begin to gnaw at the vine. At this point

she notices a wild strawberry growing from a crevice.

She looks up, down, at the mice.

Then she eats the strawberry.

So here’s the view, the breeze, the pulse

in your throat. Your wallet will be stolen, you’ll get fat,

slip on the bathroom tiles of a foreign hotel

and crack your hip. You’ll be lonely.

Oh taste how sweet and tart

the red juice is, how the tiny seeds

crunch between your teeth.

- Ellen Bass

Bless The Broken Road...

A failed relationship...a mistake...being shunned by someone you love...death of a friendship...that feeling of loss...of helplessness...powerlessness...of wanting to reach out to someone but not being able to...of not knowing what to do or feel...that desperate wish of wanting to turn back time...what would you not give for that? I could sell my soul for it, that bad.

It's worse than the Chinese water torture some say, being in a place where the only thing you can feel is your skin being peeled from your body, the only sound you can hear is your soul screaming.

It's like being caged and at the same time watching yourself being seared to death..slowly but painfully.

Is there anything you can do? Well, let me tell you there's no saviour. You can't cut the bars, you can fight the hurt and you definitely can not turn back time or fast forward to a happier time....you have to go through it.

You have to watch yourself die and only then, can you find your escape.


*****


I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Adat...

Khwaabon ke lifaafon mein
Kisso mein kitaabon mein
Fursaton ki baaton mein
Arson se khayalon mein
Thodi khoyi hui
Kab se soyi hui
Woh aadat hai voh

Karwaton ki baahon mein
Silwaton ki raahon mein
Sehmi sehmi saanson mein
Surmayi si baaton mein
Zid si chhoote nahin
Mujhse roothe nahin
Woh aadat hai voh

Intezaaron mein rahoon
Umar bhar main toh rukoon
Dil ko kaise doon sukoon
Uss se main ye keh sakoon
Yun zubaan pe chadhi
Mehngi jo hai padhi
Woh aadat hai voh

Cheesecake...

Hot hot yummy delicious Old Spice guy is back!



I don't know what shit he's talking, for all I know, he could be talking about inflation, but good lord! This is hypnotism! This man with those muscles and that voice and those brown eyes and that smouldering look...it should all be illegal!

And then watch this,



 "Hello ladies", he says, in a voice that tells you far more than you would confess to know, and as that chocolatey voice caresses your little fluttering heart, you ma'am are ready to do his bidding...but but...isn't he being cruel when he asks you to close your eyes? How can a lady or otherwise close her eyes when he's on screen in his half-naked glorious beauty?


Having said that, Old Spice's tag-line, "The man your man could smell like", somehow would never work for me. For a simple reason, as a kid I remember my Dad used to use Old Spice everyday after his shave. And the only memory I have of Old Spice is...Dad.


For that matter, Sister had bought Ralph Lauren's 'Romance for men perfume' for Dad in 2008 and (somehow, it's always been us daughters buying Dad perfumes) and damn! Every time Dad wore it, I had to run away and hide, cause the fragrance really does something to your toes! So well, I had to buy him Hugo Boss and ban him from wearing Romance ever again. Problem solved, but Old Spice? Great marketing, but I won't make anyone buy Old Spice any time soon :)

Why I Hate Shahrukh Khan...

I officially hate you Shahrukh Khan! I hope KKR loses every single match in IPL4! Every single match! :|

We won't forget you Saurav Ganguly, never :( 

26 Going On 30...

I am not a list person, I never in my life made a list. Impulsive people don't make lists!:) However, I realise, I have so many thoughts running inside my head, so many things I want to do and learn and know and achieve, it's difficult to keep a tab on everything.

So here's a list: 30 things I want to do before I turn 30.

Some are overlapping, some interlinked, but mostly, all are possible and achievable targets. Let me hang this up on a wall now.


1)Be at peace
2)Stop running, stop hiding, stop waiting, stop looking back(regret), stop hurting
3)Forgive
4)Meet people I would want to be like
5)Understand myself; and then love myself
6)Keep learning; do not stagnate
7)Stop seeking validation
8)Be surrounded by interesting, intelligent people
9)Have more interesting conversations
10)Learn how to write
11)Relearn words and emotions
12)Learn how to argue well
13)Bungee jumping & sky diving
14)Love and be open to love
15)Travel, travel and travel some more
16)Cook more, read more often, paint and make things
17)Have my own house with a garden
18)Have a career that makes me feel happy and fulfilled
19)Be self-sufficient
20)Have a healthy body, mind and heart
21)Understand finance
22)Reach a stage where I am not confused; be sure
23)Learn a new language (mostly French)
24)Learn to be calm; think before speak
25)Have a pet
26)Exercise daily
27)Laugh everyday
28)Stop getting angry; learn to be patient
29)Stop wanting
30)Stop thinking of dying


I reread the list and I realise, it's not about 'things' I want before I turn 30. The things list, I guess, would contain points like, "Own something from Audrey Hepburn's wardrobe". The above list is more of a "state" list. I want to reach a state, where I am happy to be at and hopefully, all those 30 things should help me reach there.

CherryBottoms...

As I stare at my image in the mirror, I look at my trim thighs and I realise how fleeting youth is.

And I must remember what I silently, in my mind, told the little fat girl jogging in the gym the other day. I must remember my words and often repeat them: "Run fatty run".

Another reason why I am scared of getting married. #StuffNightmaresAreMadeOf

*****
My maid's daughter, Sindhu, came home the other day and asked for some work. She washed the bathrooms and windows and took home 150 rupees. This work was apart from the "regular" work she does. So here's the thing: She wanted to go shopping with her friends. Asked her mother for some money. Mother refused. So she told her, "don't give me money. I'll go earn it." Very nice. She wanted to go to the market to buy junk jewellery with her friends. I realise, at her age(16), I had spent a cool 40K on shopping, in just 1 month, from the account dad had opened for me as a gift for passing the 10th boards. Which was, I agree, quite shameful of me. So I should not be condemning her behaviour, unlike me at her age, she is atleast earning the money she's spending. However, I do find her behaviour, somewhat worrisome.

Financial freedom comes with its set of dangers. And I fear, this easy money might go to her head. She is after all just 16 and illiterate.

Or am I being judgemental?

*****
I realise, I am at a historical point in my life. Years later, this is the moment I will look back at and wonder about the what ifs; what if I had taken the other road instead. For, I am at such a point, where the decision I take, and I must make one, will alter everything. Will influence the person I become. It will change my life, forever. This is an important time.

And you honeypuddle, you, you will remain unsaid.

*****
I often fear that I might just throw my mobile or ipod or whatever expensive thing out of the window. Like there's this strong impulse, and I need to quickly mentally reprimand myself for even thinking such a thing. What a ridiculous thing! Does it happen to anyone else? Or is it just me?