26 Going On 30...

I am not a list person, I never in my life made a list. Impulsive people don't make lists!:) However, I realise, I have so many thoughts running inside my head, so many things I want to do and learn and know and achieve, it's difficult to keep a tab on everything.

So here's a list: 30 things I want to do before I turn 30.

Some are overlapping, some interlinked, but mostly, all are possible and achievable targets. Let me hang this up on a wall now.


1)Be at peace
2)Stop running, stop hiding, stop waiting, stop looking back(regret), stop hurting
3)Forgive
4)Meet people I would want to be like
5)Understand myself; and then love myself
6)Keep learning; do not stagnate
7)Stop seeking validation
8)Be surrounded by interesting, intelligent people
9)Have more interesting conversations
10)Learn how to write
11)Relearn words and emotions
12)Learn how to argue well
13)Bungee jumping & sky diving
14)Love and be open to love
15)Travel, travel and travel some more
16)Cook more, read more often, paint and make things
17)Have my own house with a garden
18)Have a career that makes me feel happy and fulfilled
19)Be self-sufficient
20)Have a healthy body, mind and heart
21)Understand finance
22)Reach a stage where I am not confused; be sure
23)Learn a new language (mostly French)
24)Learn to be calm; think before speak
25)Have a pet
26)Exercise daily
27)Laugh everyday
28)Stop getting angry; learn to be patient
29)Stop wanting
30)Stop thinking of dying


I reread the list and I realise, it's not about 'things' I want before I turn 30. The things list, I guess, would contain points like, "Own something from Audrey Hepburn's wardrobe". The above list is more of a "state" list. I want to reach a state, where I am happy to be at and hopefully, all those 30 things should help me reach there.

CherryBottoms...

As I stare at my image in the mirror, I look at my trim thighs and I realise how fleeting youth is.

And I must remember what I silently, in my mind, told the little fat girl jogging in the gym the other day. I must remember my words and often repeat them: "Run fatty run".

Another reason why I am scared of getting married. #StuffNightmaresAreMadeOf

*****
My maid's daughter, Sindhu, came home the other day and asked for some work. She washed the bathrooms and windows and took home 150 rupees. This work was apart from the "regular" work she does. So here's the thing: She wanted to go shopping with her friends. Asked her mother for some money. Mother refused. So she told her, "don't give me money. I'll go earn it." Very nice. She wanted to go to the market to buy junk jewellery with her friends. I realise, at her age(16), I had spent a cool 40K on shopping, in just 1 month, from the account dad had opened for me as a gift for passing the 10th boards. Which was, I agree, quite shameful of me. So I should not be condemning her behaviour, unlike me at her age, she is atleast earning the money she's spending. However, I do find her behaviour, somewhat worrisome.

Financial freedom comes with its set of dangers. And I fear, this easy money might go to her head. She is after all just 16 and illiterate.

Or am I being judgemental?

*****
I realise, I am at a historical point in my life. Years later, this is the moment I will look back at and wonder about the what ifs; what if I had taken the other road instead. For, I am at such a point, where the decision I take, and I must make one, will alter everything. Will influence the person I become. It will change my life, forever. This is an important time.

And you honeypuddle, you, you will remain unsaid.

*****
I often fear that I might just throw my mobile or ipod or whatever expensive thing out of the window. Like there's this strong impulse, and I need to quickly mentally reprimand myself for even thinking such a thing. What a ridiculous thing! Does it happen to anyone else? Or is it just me? 

Too Proud To Love...

Everyone knows that the moon started out

as a renegade fragment of the sun, a solar

flare that fled that hellish furnace

and congealed into a flat frozen pond suspended

between the planets. But did you know

that anger began as music, played

too often and too loudly by drunken performers

at weddings and garden parties? Or that turtles

evolved from knuckles, ice from tears, and darkness

from misunderstanding? As for the dominant

thesis regarding the origin of love, I

abstain from comment, nor will I allow

myself to address the idea that dance

began as a kiss, that happiness was

an accidental import from Spain, that the ancient

game of jump-the-fire gave rise

to politics. But I will confess

that I began as an astronomer—a liking

for bright flashes, vast distances, unreachable things,

a hand stretched always toward the furthest limit—

and that my longing for you has not taken me

very far from that original desire

to inscribe a comet's orbit around the walls

of our city, to gently stroke the surface of the stars.

- Troy Jollimore

Darling...

She was staring into the space, thinking about a plan. Pleased with it, she smiled to herself and then delicately sipped her coffee.

Some guy somewhere was going to be in trouble.

Melancholy...

Count to10, take a deep breath
Call him out, walk toward the fields
Wander swiftly, don't rehearse
Tell him, no emotions, just words
Ask him to leave, it's not working out
Be cruel, you don't want him any more
He'll survive, he'll find someone else
Someone at Rumours, someone in the streets
Turn around now, say goodbye one last time
Don't hug, don't offer love, don't offer friendship
Leave the bitterness, just leave, go home
Happiness is waiting for you, with a freshly baked cake and some flowers.

A Summer Romance...

	Boston - More Than A Feeling

I'll take your hand and we'll walk through the jungles and the deserts, the rainforests and the valleys, the rivers and the sea, and we'll climb the mountains, and wherever we go, we'll go together, and I'll be happy.

In Praise Of Older Women...

Benjamin Franklin's advice to men: Marry or then date older women.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice: that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1,000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part. The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever, so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections, none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly. They are so grateful!!

I do not know why, but this has greatly pissed me off. Why?