RhythmBox...

Okay so I have a problem. The problem is that even at 26 I don't know how to behave with guys who like me but whom I do not like. It's a problem because more often than not they are friends. Friends I like. But then they start showing more than friendly affection and I just get the creeps and I start with my "weird" behaviour. What is my weird behavior? Well, I ignore them, I don't return their calls, I avoid looking at them, I stop hanging out with them, I stop finding them funny, I frown at them when I catch them staring at me, I especially hate it when they act all "nice" to me ( :| ), and if they still don't get the hints, I act rude. And I honestly hate it. And it's worse when he's a good friend and has a girlfriend who likes me and looks upto me. I feel bad cause only one thing happens, they start hating me eventually and I lose out on good guy friends. I don't know how to rebuff their affections in a way such that I don't hurt them and keep them as friends too. I usually make a mess out of the whole thing! 

I remember I once told a friend that I don't like anyone liking me or loving me without my consent. His reaction was pretty normal and expected: WTF. I know! I know! But my problem is that I do not want anyone buying me gifts, treating me "special", worrying after me unless I like him. And definitely not have him act like his my personal servant, irrespective of whether I like him or not. With other guy friends I want to be treated like one of the guys. I don't have problems accepting compliments, I just have a problem accepting it from guys who are firmly in the friends category! :| Oh I am such a nut! And such a weird contradiction! And such a bitch! Why can't I be like other girls and accept all that extra attention? And preen and bat my eyelids and giggle? if not all that, why can't I just graciously accept it and just be okay about it all? Why do I have to act all weird? Arghhh! I don't know what will become of me! I truly do not!

Funny, This Life...

The life of a girl who looks out from a South Bombay flat, sea-facing on Marine Drive, and who pays 300/- for "White tea" and the life of one who resides in Mira road, in an one window flat, who drinks cheap whiskey cheap desi daaru and who dances for money; I live one and I read one.

But both girls want the same things.

An Honest Word...

So much to think about, so much to talk about, so much to write about...so much!:)

But just one lesson: Don't be scared to expect the best.

*****
It hurts, I feel very very sad, but the truth is that you have left my world. And the one person with whom I could share my sadness has left me too.

*****
And no matter what happens, no matter what fucking happens, a woman never forgets that one guy she truly loved. She still weeps in the dark, sobs in the arms of her best friend and she still thinks about him, everyday. Everyday.

*****
Why do you want to get married he asked. We hated each other. But we were talking now and I would be lying if I said I did not like it much. He is against marriage. Never wants to get married. I looked at him, him trying really hard to sound confident and look all nonchalant. You know the "I am a stud and I can bang 50 chicks at even 40, why do I need marriage" look? He had one. And he looked good with it too.

Companionship I said. I want someone to share my life with. I am lonely.

He made some joke out of it and started digressing. Changed the topic, I let him. But just for one second, just for one second, before the shutters came down, I saw his vulnerable side. He was as lonely and as scared.

Somewhere, yes, it felt good.

*****
Don't ignore the one who has it, to make the one who does not have it feel good. The one who has it, probably needs some loving too.

Sealink...

They had changed so much, and yet they were just the same.

When You Ruled My World...

You left me on the seashore, with foreign winds,
I was the queen of this now broken castle
And now I wait with just a sword in my hand, wait for your battleships
I fear we'd never have our battle
That you'd take my fight by leaving me in peace
By sailing in a different direction
You'd kill me by letting me live
That I would never be able to save my soul

Bye 2010...

Goodbye 2010. See you in 2011 now :)

The Night You Saved My Soul...

I have a wish for 2011. I hope I can have enough courage to express my emotions. To say exactly what I want to, to do exactly what I feel like, in "real life". Too much happiness is already lost for I was too scared to let me be. I was too scared to let the real me out. I wish I can find courage to be vulnerable. Courage enough to laugh, cry, hate and love, without restraint.