You know what, wtf! It's 1:15am and I feel like I have let myself go - like you know - I have tamed myself. Started sugarcoating things, smiling at people I dislike and doing things I don't want to, generally became one lazy sloth who doesn't give a fuck about herself and her life. Why why why! I ask myself at 1:15am and all my mind says,"16 mins before you get another life" (on Candy Crush) - or then window shopping for clothes I can't afford and probably will never wear!
*****
Anyway, did I tell you I am getting married? No? Well, looks like I am.
*****
I always thought being married will be a big deal - as in it is a very big deal - but I always thought I would write like a 2 page essay on "How I feel now that I am getting married". But well - I don't feel like writing the essay. Maybe cause it has not yet sunk in.
Actually it has. I am super scared. You know in most marriages, it's the guy who's all scared and commitment phobic and all? I think in my case, the guy's pretty okay - atleast seems so - it's the girl, that's me!, who's all scared and jittery - not about the guy - but just about the whole "marriage" thing. At the same time I feel a little bit married already.
I think I am more scared of losing my freedom than the guy is - though he's promised I can get up any minute and go to Himalaya's if that's what I want to - so that's cool. Yes, that's why I am getting married to him, cause he's cool like that.
So one big confused scared excited happy mess I am right now.
Wait - got life. Be back.
*****
Also, I need to start reading again! I feel like a fake these days. Every time I see a book - I get scared of saying "I love books" - cause although I do still love them - I have been cheating on them with everything from candy crush to mindless pinterest to internet shopping to negative thoughts.
*****
I need to stop getting scared of marriage. Like stop being paranoid. The fear is robbing me of the joy of "getting married". The excitement of being with that one person you love and want to spend the entire life with. All that fluttery feeling, the counting of days, the day dreaming!
And some very essential beauty sleep!
*****
Anyway, did I tell you I am getting married? No? Well, looks like I am.
*****
I always thought being married will be a big deal - as in it is a very big deal - but I always thought I would write like a 2 page essay on "How I feel now that I am getting married". But well - I don't feel like writing the essay. Maybe cause it has not yet sunk in.
Actually it has. I am super scared. You know in most marriages, it's the guy who's all scared and commitment phobic and all? I think in my case, the guy's pretty okay - atleast seems so - it's the girl, that's me!, who's all scared and jittery - not about the guy - but just about the whole "marriage" thing. At the same time I feel a little bit married already.
I think I am more scared of losing my freedom than the guy is - though he's promised I can get up any minute and go to Himalaya's if that's what I want to - so that's cool. Yes, that's why I am getting married to him, cause he's cool like that.
So one big confused scared excited happy mess I am right now.
Wait - got life. Be back.
*****
Also, I need to start reading again! I feel like a fake these days. Every time I see a book - I get scared of saying "I love books" - cause although I do still love them - I have been cheating on them with everything from candy crush to mindless pinterest to internet shopping to negative thoughts.
*****
I need to stop getting scared of marriage. Like stop being paranoid. The fear is robbing me of the joy of "getting married". The excitement of being with that one person you love and want to spend the entire life with. All that fluttery feeling, the counting of days, the day dreaming!
And some very essential beauty sleep!